He told me that he was always the child who was eager to "get the spanking over with" and out of the way. I guess I have always been the one who would like to forget about it but nevertheless eventually has to take it.
So even though classes are finished, I still have some revision to do, as well as this take-home final exam for my Modern British Lit class. I've heard horror stories.
For a while yesterday I was in a bit of a foul mood, as I tend to be when I have something looming over my head. I felt angry and frustrated with some of the details of the final exam, as well as my experience of the course in general. I felt very much like something was being inflicted on me, something I didn't deserve. So I was determined to bite back and pour some of that anger into finishing all of my coursework, as if to say, "take that~!"
But I didn't accomplish much of anything, and I'm thankful for it.
The entire day the odds seemed to be stacked against me--everywhere a friend wanting to talk for a few minutes, a non-academic task that nevertheless demanded my attention, and the feeling that I couldn't focus well enough to accomplish anything.
I played the piano, talked with friends, had dinner, performed in a mini-concert thing for the group, stayed for a worship session, had a really long conversation with some other friends in a dimly-lit dorm-room, told some ghost stories, talked about vocation and calling and the meaning of life, and--to top it all off--I went out and had a kebab.
Normally avoiding my work would only intensify my anxiety; normally I'd be losing it by now. Strangely, however, I feel relieved, at peace, assured that "everything's gonna be alright." Sure, I have things to do, but I'll be ok. In fact, unstressed as I am, I might accomplish more in one day than I would in two stressful days.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
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